There’re so many things I want (have wanted) to do yet I’ve accomplished none of them.
I want to write a proper song that I’d be proud of, I want to write a full completed story (previously it was a comic but I think that’s really being too ambitious), I’m currently halfway through sewing up my fisherman pants, I want to compose piano pieces,
Past “wants” also include: wood carving, knitting, felt cloth making, pottery, I did try to draw a manga type comic once (think I got up to 6 pages and realised it’s way too much work),
I think I just have an obsession with wanting to create something. Something that I can call my own. Maybe I have an obsession with being special. To be irreplaceable. Kinda like how only you can create what you’d create.
I guess creating was what I wanted to make my mark on the world, no matter how tiny, when you create you bring something new into the world, like giving birth to a new life almost. An inanimate life form (that’s an oxymoron).
Right now it’s alternating between music or writing. But I’m not sure if I’ll even get anywhere with it. It could be just a silly fling to pass the time. It could be just an over-romanticised feeling of a journey, or it could actually produce a real gem.
That’s the scary thing about pursuing creative arts for a living I guess, and I deeply respect people who do. It takes a hell lot of courage to step into a path that has absolutely no guarantees, of which failure would lead to a devastating sense of worthlessness despite all of one’s investment into something that crumbled into nothing, or you could actually be onto something really good.
Not that I’m sacrificing anything or investing everything into anything.
I have a pretty safe career path as of now hahah.
Although sometimes I wish I was on a path that had a little more risk, and a little more excitement. (Not that social work isn’t risky or exciting, but it’s procedural and there’s a standard you have to meet set by others rather than yourself)
It’s that consuming feeling, not wanting to do anything else, excitement of the possibilities, imagining a future of really succeeding, making plans and preparations, but then when the excitement fades and the real hard work begins, that’s what separates dreams that are really just flings at a taste of idealism, or a real commitment to something that might actually come true.