I’ve been hiding a lot today.
But I’m wondering now why exactly did I need to hide? For various reasons, stupid reasons.
Even now I’m thinking, “Man, if only I’d taken some other bus,” or “If only I’d left school earlier!”
Thing is I’ve been hiding for a long time and I still do. Just not that frequently anymore, since the problem’s pretty much gone now. But I still get that same feeling of fear every time it comes back again. And I remember. And I get the chills. Oh and tons of regret.
I wish I’d handled it better in the past
But regrets are like creatures that chase you all the time and eat you up when you look back. So there’s no point looking back…right?
I wish I’ll be brave enough one day to be totally and completely unaffected.
But is it really wrong to not face it? I mean, sometimes, hiding is a good thing, right? It keeps you safe-ish.
But not if you’ve been at it for three years. Sometimes I really feel like a weakling for running so desperately away.
On the plus side, I finally got to try fried mars bars today and they were so amazing I farted rainbows and unicorns!