What if…?


There was a period of time when there was this piercing pain in my heart. And it lasted two days.

I’m not talking about heartache! I mean, real, physical pain.

And I was sleeping at that time when it came. It was as if someone was poking this sharp needle into my heart and sliding it in and out. And it was also getting hard to breath.

I thought, “what if I’m having some heart problem?!” and I got up from bed and sat there for some time. When the pain didn’t go away, I curled up into a ball and crouched because it felt better, and it went away after a while. Then I went back to sleep.

It came back the next day during lunch while I was at school. I was breathing weirdly, and my friend saw it and said, “eh, you okay or not?”

And I said it was nothing, but I ended up telling her about the previous night.
“I don’t know, what if I die tomorrow? Haha,” I said laughing, but she just looked at me seriously.

“I think you should go check it out. Ask your parents bring you see a doctor tomorrow!”

Now this was all happening while I was queuing up for noodles.

The pain stopped after a while. And it never came back. But what if…?

What if today was the last day that I would live?

I mean, I’ve always talked about death lightly because I know it’s not the end, but thinking about it, if I died tomorrow there’d be so much regret. It’s just that regrets can’t chase you anymore because you’ve already joined them as nothing but a shadow on earth.

I read this book about a girl who was murdered at 14, and it was about her looking down at everyone on earth from her heaven. And she lived the rest of her life (I mean death) through the ones that were still living.

If I died at 15, I wonder what would happen on earth? Would I just slip away after a few years, and be forgotten by everyone? I’d rather they did. It’s better to live with the living then to grasp onto the dead that can never come back. So I’d rather watch them from my heaven and see them live happy lives, instead of mourning me everyday even if that means I’m not going to be a part of their world anymore.

So many people I should have said, “I love you!” to.
So much time I’ve yet to spend with them.
So many things I’ve yet to experience.
So much I’ve not done for God yet, on earth I mean. In heaven everything’s done already, right?

They say life is like a heaven boot-camp that prepares you for heaven.

Or that every morning that God wakes you up for means a day where you have a purpose. If there’s nothing left that he wants you to do, he’d take you home to be with him.

I think that’s really nice.

Reflecting on death can make you reflect a lot about life too. Now I feel like I want to live my fullest.

What if I died tomorrow?

Maybe you could think about that too, if life doesn’t seem like anything to you now. We all notice something when it’s taken away from us, so.


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