I don’t really know when I first started noticing you.
But I think it was that time when we went to Sizzeria with our cell group in that Bukit Timah place. On the way as we walked, I remember asking you what you were afraid of, and you said you were terrified of bees. And I wanted to talk to you more but you went ahead to chat with the other guys._. I was surprised that you didn’t hesitate to spill out your fears right there and then without any shame, and it’s really something that not many guys can do! (Abandoning their man pride and all)
I guess I just wanted to talk to you more…I liked talking to you! Even if I had only talked to you properly for a few minutes..about…bees, and how terrifying they were._.
Anyway I tried to sit in front of you so that I could talk more, and I did! I remember you adding crap loads of cheese onto your pasta that already…had a cheesy base. I mean you were piling up like a mountain of cheese onto that plate, maybe that’s why you’re cheesy(LOL)
It wasn’t really much back then. I only remember thinking, haha this guy is pretty weird, and funny, and nice…and cool in his own way.
Then we went ice skating. You were going on and on about how it was your first time skating, and how you were sort of scared that you’d fall. Inside, I thought, YES!! I ACTUALLY HAD A CHANCE TO talk to you more because I’m pretty good at skating. So I offered to help you, I don’t know if I was being too nosy at that point of time or if you noticed. You know how cliched it is when the guy is always leading the wobbling weak girl by the hand in dramas when there’s some ice skating scene? Well, I liked how we were different that I was the one helping you instead! I don’t know why I liked it like that but I did.
You were firmly griping my arm and wobbling and shaking all over the place! I liked how you held my arm, because I felt that you trusted me fully with the safety of your spinal cord and butt (you know, in case you fell or something). I really liked that feeling of trust.
I guess that’s the story of how I got to notice you.
I can’t really remember how we started talking. It just feels like I’ve been talking to you since forever! It started with guitar…didn’t it? Playing Love Story (I think it’s a nice song choice HAHA). And I guess it snowballed from there.
Every time I heard my phone go, “Baaah dah Baaah dah!” My heart will do this somersault leap thing (AND it still does up to this day even if it’s not you._.) I learned so much more about you…more about your views, your feelings, your life, what you ate for dinner, the things that made you special. You said people thought you were boring. Boring…really?! I saw you as the most amazing person that was so interesting I’d want to know every single thing about you. (yes I even took interest to what you ate)
Which was why I told you one of the days, “You’re not boring Walrus:D” I don’t know if you took it seriously but I really meant it.
I got to know you without a face. Well, more specifically, I got to know you for who you were instead of what you looked like or how you sounded. I liked you for the pure essence of you (This sounds creepy, and probably smells like old uncle medicine and coffee). But you know what I mean!
I thought about how you’d react if I told you about how I felt about you. A part of me wanted to tell you so, so bad, and the other part was really afraid that I’d ruin everything. I guess it was me wanting to get closer to you beyond that awkward barrier where too much would be awkward. I’m sure you felt it too. You know, like how sometimes I’d think, “Wait, if I send this would he smell something fishy or feel totally weird about this? Nah, I think i’ll rephrase that a little, and I’d better add a smiley face.” I really wanted to get rid of that barrier and just come clean and be completely honest to you instead of having to hide all the time.
I did it in the end, and I finally told you.
I guess we both know how crazy and surreal it felt at that point of time.
By this time you’ve already become that one person that’s always on the back of my mind. It seemed as if every random thing on the street reminded me of you. I wanted to tell you so many things. I wanted to tell you everything. I wanted to be there for you all the time, I wanted to make you smile, or laugh. I felt sad when you told me about the things that made you sad. You really became a part of me somehow!
But this was something that wouldn’t last forever. There were times when my own selfish human nature took over me. And I realised how different it was. Loving someone else other than yourself was something that was very hard to stick to. But when that feeling came, that feeling of wanting to care for someone so much came, it was overwhelming. And I realised this was just a fraction of the kind of love that God feels for all of us.
I can never really put into words how much you truly mean to me. I guess I’ll have more opportunities in the future to do so:D
So you can imagine how I felt on saturday.
It’s like having to forcefully hide how much you mean to me from now on.
You know how scuba divers can’t immediately go back to the surface after a deep dive or their blood will burst into life-threatening bubbles? I dived in too deep, and I was pulled right up to the surface. I think my blood just erupted into foam on saturday. I cried really really hard where no one could see me. It was that sort of silent-ish crying, the kind when you just feel so helpless and hurt and your knees start to tremble and you can’t even stand up straight. It’s a wonder how my eyes weren’t bloodshot or anything. Pain is really hard to hide, somehow i managed to throughout the day._.
It was really hard for me not to look back at you when you left after dinner.
Disinfectant…it was really harsh disinfectant.
I hope my blood starts returning to its non-foamy state soon.
I guess we can only just have faith that God has everything planned out for us and for your future (which I’m sure consists of some pretty darn awesome stuff)
So, there isn’t anything to worry about! What happens happens, and what doesn’t doesn’t…right?
It’s already written somewhere in heaven the story of your life and the story of mine. And there’s nothing we can do to change any of that so we can’t worry!
So if I was really meant to be in your story and you in mine, then I guess it’ll work out somehow! Like how we got to know each other at just the right time. We’ll be best friends forever of its meant to be! ＼(^o^)／
All we can do is to try our best to make it work, everything else is pretty much out of our control:/
Let’s think of this as a trip to find ourselves first! Getting to know ourselves before we get to know each other more! It’s like sorting out ourselves first since we’re still young and foolish teenagers who don’t know any better or something LOL.
I guess we have to wait until that happens. The time when we find ourselves. We should take this time to learn more about who we are, there’ll be plenty of time for other things in the future!
My heart will always wait until then. For you.
(Cheese:D and I just realised I used two joe brooks song titles in that!!)
But really. I will! And I really mean what I say.
It’s not the end of things now. It’s just the BEGINING!
Let’s do our best! Fighting! Walrus! Fighting!
Lots and lots and lots of love,