Masks

 

 

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I tried finding pictures of masks but they were all scary so here’s a picture of a cute sad dog instead._.

I think we all have masks.

It’s just something we all learn to make for ourselves as we grow up. Sometimes to protect ourselves, sometimes to hide ourselves, and sometimes we have these masks because maybe, our true selves aren’t interesting enough for ourselves.

I think I had these masks when I was younger because of all three._.

 I’m glad I learned slowly how to peel them all away. Say, a few years ago, I’d be a different person around different people. It was like faking myself again and again, and it was really tiring. Because you can’t love yourself that way. I think that was the period of time when I was trying to figure out who I was. 

Who am I?

I remember writing about this some months ago this year. I think I’ve learned a lot since then.

I think you only truly know who you are the moment when you can accept yourself and love the person you are. When you feel confident in your own skin. And how do you know whether that’s truly your own skin? Maybe it’s when you stop having these different personalities and just become ONE person throughout whoever you may be talking to.

How you act:

When you’re talking to your different friends.

When you’re talking to your parents.

When you’re talking to a stranger.

When you’re talking to someone you don’t really like.

When you’re talking to someone you absolutely love.

And when you’re talking to yourself…right there, in your head.

 

I used to play it cool around certain people. Tried to be different. I’d pretend to be someone I’m not. Even the way I wrote was different. I used to write in a style that was modelled after my favourite story character in some random library book, and it’d change sometimes. Pretending was a big part of who I was.

And sometimes, I wouldn’t even know who I truly was anymore. It felt uncomfortable, being different people, around different people, I was sick of it. It was like being a liar to everyone, and being a liar to myself.

So…

It JUST FEELS SO GREAT TO FINALLY BEING ABLE TO BECOME JUST ONE PERSON!!

There’s something that gives my pretending away… and i’m about to tell you a secret on how to tell when I’m acting or something like that. I get goosebumps all over my arms when I do. Because even I creep out myself by how I act. NOW, don’t misinterpret ALL the times when I get goosebumps. Because I also get goosebumps when I  a) sneeze, b) get cold, c) watch a touching scene of drama or anime (Now how does that happen?!).

It’s been a very long time since I’ve felt that chill run down my spine. (I know it’s weird that I creep myself out by my own fakeness) 

Really, If you’ve ever felt like me, having all these masks and it tires you out like no tomorrow, try letting go of some! just be who you’re most comfortable being and be that same person no matter who you’re with (or if you’re with no one at all). If that personality doesn’t tire you or give you some weird sort of feeling, then you’ve found out who you are.

I LOVE BEING JUST ONE PERSON. It really is quite refreshing! (I sound mental here, probably because it seems like I have split-personality disorder)

And this one person that I am now, I don’t think, would have been someone who was anywhere near who the me in the past would have wanted to be. (It’s too ordinary and not as cool)

discovering yourself takes a lot of time…and memories. Don’t you think your memories are what make you special? Only you have your own unique set of memories that only you can own and see. And perhaps these memories shape you somehow. I also read somewhere that you are the choices that you make. I think that’s really true too. 

The things that I went through, the friends I made, the lessons God taught me, it took a fair bit to help me get to who I am today.

I don’t know if I existed back then, or if I was just buried deep (really deep) inside.

But I’m glad to be who I am now:D

 

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