I should really stop wallowing in self pity and just let it go.

And I should really STOP listening to sad Korean drama OSTs when I’m sad to make me even more sad!!

I think sometimes… I don’t even try to make myself happier. It’s almost as if I don’t want to, letting myself go through all that unnecessary pain.

WHY AM I DOING THIS? I don’t know.

I don’t think I’ve truly let go of all the hurt and pain to God yet. And that means I can’t truly forgive. Forgiving is some pretty hard stuff. But I think it takes time.. Slowly bit by bit I think I’m learning how to let it go.

So this trip to Penang IS REALLY A TEST. I hope I pass it with flying colours.

I just want to actually be able to have some fun with my family. It’s been a really long time since I was able to feel that. Sounds like a simple thing, huh? Well it’s really not. Especially if I have this really bad negative mood going on.

So I’ll pray a big prayer now (well at least to me it’s big). God, please give me a positive mindset for everything during this week!! Please!! I need a miracle! Help me to let go of the hurt and to forget it, knowing that you know this hurt even more than I do. And that it’s completely useless to hold on to it anymore. And I have to pray in Jesus’ name because if not this means nothing, so in in Jesus’ name I pray.. Amen!


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