This year

Next year is two days away. It is definitely not at all how I imagined it would have been. And now it’s just plain scary. This year has led me to learn loads of things. I think a little reflection should be good
since I’m starting to feel a little negative again (THIS is also something I need to change)

This year has taught me not to plan out my own future for myself. It never goes anywhere near my own plans and that’s the way it should. Because my own plans are not great enough for God’s plans. The future is never what we want or expect, and pressing onto our own hopes only get us hurt and disappointed in the end. We should just trust in God and do our best. NOT to say I do this often, my mind is always filled with doubts and worry. This is just something I’ve learned, and something I’ve had yet to be able to do.

It hurts, it really does hurt when what you believed so much would happen doesn’t. You’re bound to fall when you put your hopes on something that isn’t God. I made that mistake and so now I’m suffering the consequences:(

Another thing, pride really warps your perception of everything. It makes you make mistakes and say things you shouldn’t. It stops you from serving with a right heart. There are a lot of bad things when it comes to pride, I’m slowly learning what it means to be humble, and it really isn’t easy. It means putting others before yourself. It means less thinking of yourself and more on others. That’s the one thing we all have problems with. Selfishness. I can’t help but think selfish thoughts all the time. I can only thank God I didn’t act on half of them.

Well it’s okay to think these thoughts, it’s only not okay when you don’t filter them out and act on them. It’s not wrong because these thoughts will no matter what, will enter your mind, like temptation, it’s only what you do with them.

The world is full of lies!!! So many lies that people believe in and follow, this year, I got some lies sorted out and I’m thankful for that.

Relationships are hard. I never thought I’d ever need to think about about stuff like this so early but I guess this is God’s way of teaching me a lesson or two and from making even bigger mistakes in the future. I don’t think a lot of people really know how hard it is until it’s too late and they’ve crossed the boundary. It’s not (only) the sweet perfect thing we see in movies and dramas. I added the (only) part because there are sweet parts of it! Just that most of the time, it’s not, and that’s the part most people overlook.

I learned more about love and what it is, really, and not what the world makes it to be. I’m thankful I learned that so early in life. Most people don’t learn that until it’s too late. I’m still learning what it means to love someone. What it means to feel happy when the other is happy. It’s hard to feel happy for a friend is she’s got better results than you. But love changes things and you really do feel happy for her even when you’re stuck with crappy results. That kind of love can be shown in something so small as this example. I want to learn how to love that kind of love. I’m sure many opportunities will come next year for that.

I learned what it means to really entrust your life to God. It sounds great at first. Trusting God with your life… So… Isn’t that the same as saying my life’s going to be the best life ever since God’s gonna give me the best?
Thing is, God’s best may not be what you think is best for yourself. Trusting God with your life means following what he says even if you don’t want it. It means being okay with anything He puts into your life. It also means not worrying or doubting his plans for you, because if you trust him, you won’t have to worry about a thing.
This is something I have to REALLY REALLY work on so so much. I find it very hard to let go of my life and my wants. The one thing that helps me do it is the fact that God has a better plan for me than I can ever think of or know of, in the long term, since my mind’s always short-term-ish. And, this kind of commitment, of entrusting your life to God has to be made every day, every second of your life and it’s not just a one time moment.

I really want to be a better person. As I write this, I find tears filling up my eyes. Because that’s how much I really want to be a better person. I’m crying out, God, God, help me! And I’m literally tearing now daaahhhhh.
I’m crying that out, and I really really don’t want to end up being someone God would not want to be in his kingdom.

Writing this post has made me realise really how much I’ve learned. I didn’t plan this post at all, these words just came pouring out one by one. There’s so much more I’ve learned too besides what I publish here.

Honestly, I’ve been feeling down all day, filled with negative thoughts, and being a resident of the sofa the whole day doing pretty much nothing. I took my phone and I felt this nudge to write something even though I had no mood at all to write. I actually wrote a post before this, but realised how negative it sounded and deleted it after that. Because that post did me no good at all. It sucked.

Now after writing this I know a few more things too. All I want for next year is to be a better person. Nothing more. I had to many things I wanted next year, and God took them all away from me, and now I know, and am thankful for that.
I really pray that I’ll be able to think more positively now. And smile.

😀 here’s a smiley face so I don’t sound so horribly emo.


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