I’ve never felt so much in such a long time. Anger. More of hate really. Anger’s good for some things. But hate is never good. And this isn’t good at all.

I can feel my entire body shaking, my hands quivering so much I can’t hold anything properly. I can’t breathe, and I hear my heart pumping madly.

I had to run and run and run till my legs ached and I could I feel that painful stab at my side to get rid of some of it.

It sounds like a really bad case of stage fright, but this is much worse.

This feeling is me trying to contain my feelings, me trying to stop them from exploding out. It’s so hard to just keep quiet and not say a thing.

I feel something stirring inside of me, tearing things down, breaking things, making my heart feel like granite. Very cold granite.

It’s funny how a few bad memories can totally erase the past that was good. I can’t even remember how it was like before all this.

It’s so cold and empty. How long has it Been since I’ve truly smiled in my own house?

I can’t do this.

No I can. I’m supposed to be a positive person now right? God can help me. He will. He’ll wash me with his love. Let me think of his love and how I’m supposed to be like him.

How he even loved the people who were nailing him to the cross.

How can my difficulties compare to that? I’m not being nailed to the cross.

This is nothing.

Let’s just think of it as a slight drizzle in comparison to the storm.

I do have a father. A heavenly one. So why should I feel sad? He is the only one I should rely on and need.

I was going to title this post as ‘anger’ but I realise, ‘love’ is a much better title.

I really need to learn to love like He does.


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