I’m really bad at talking to God.
Because… Well, Sometimes, I don’t exactly talk to him or think that I am.
When I pray, I feel like I’m talking to myself most of the time. When I pray with other people it feels more like i’m talking to them instead of Him. When I write it down, it feels more like a journal rather than a letter.
I think maybe, it’s because I don’t really think of it as a two way thing._.
I don’t see God listening to me on the other end. Well, sometimes I do! And those times were when I really felt at peace.
I want to be completely honest. I don’t want to try looking innocent in front of Him. I’ve been stupid enough to have wanted that when there’s no point in even trying. He knows.
I don’t want to not ever know how to talk to him properly. I want to really, really, be completely transparent about everything. What I’m really feeling. And really be aware that He’s listening too.
He listens. He does. I shouldn’t treat Him like an Inbox. He doesn’t read my letters only when the day ends and I fall asleep. He reads them as the words enter my mind. He’s reading me. Watching me. He knows me. And i’m really really so glad that I’m not alone. Even if it feels like it… But I guess that’s what faith is about isn’t it? Sort of knowing and believing that He is even when at times you don’t really see Him or feel his presence.
But He is there. Everywhere!
Even if I’m sitting on the toilet bowl.
The toilet is where I really talk to him the most, actually._.
It’s kind of like the only place I can really be alone. And no one disturbs you when you’re in the toilet. They leave you to your own… Business. Haha.
Sometimes I just go in there and sit there if I want some alone time. With nothing to disturb me.
When I have my own house, I’m going to make the toilet a really nice, lovely warm room. For sure.
Yup. I should really talk to God and know that he listens.