Praying

It’s really hard to pluck up the courage to pray for someone. I think you’d really need lots and lots of faith that God will put into your heart what to say.

Last Saturday, I felt a tug to go forward to pray for Andre. He is sort of my sheep even though I’m not a cell leader. But I do worry for him even if he doesn’t really tell me what he’s facing.

This was the least nervous I’ve felt about praying for anyone since forever! Usually I’d rehearse everything I’d want to say, and I’d stumble and forget all my points when I actually do get to praying. (No surprises there)

Well. I finally figured out why. Because those prayers were really what I had wanted to tell them myself. I wasn’t letting God use me.

I don’t know why I didn’t think much about what to say to Andre back then. But I think it’s because I was thinking too much on deciding if I should go up to the front or not._.

I’m glad I did. I think maybe now he’d see me as a leader who cares instead of a leader who just gives instructions, and I hope God spoke to him in one way or another through me…

And then sis Livia told me if I didn’t know what to pray about I could always ask them if there was anything I could pray for them for! Which… Made it a lot easier!

So I went up to Joni and hugged her and asked if I could pray for her next.

I tried to keep in mind that I was talking to God and not giving a speech.

I’M NOT GIVING A SPEECH IM NOT GIVING A SPEECH. Hah. Well, it often feels like I am when it comes to praying in front of large groups or people. And you know how well I handle stage nervousness.

I guess I feel inadequate because the kind of prayers I pray sounds more like I’m talking, and I barely find really cool and holy sounding words to use. Sometimes I wish I could, because those words do hold a special, particular power in each of them. But then again power comes from God, but using the right words would really help.

When I pray to God I talk how is normally talk. But it’d feel weird praying like how I do for myself for other people. Maybe I’ll try one day. To let go of everything around me and just speak to God like how is speak to him alone. But out loud. In front of someone. Well, it’s really hard actually. How do I block out that consciousness?! I’ll try someday.

I should really get to bathing now.

Speaking of bathrooms. Toilets are great places to pray. You’re all alone and no ones will ever disturb you or think of slamming open the door halfway or ask you what you are doing. Ultimate peace. I think I mentioned this before.

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