I can’t sleep!

I never really thought that I could miss a human so much until tears skateboard down my face yelling “Wheeeeeee!!!” (I put this horrible metaphor here so it doesn’t sound so sad and Emo)

It’s 12:50am and I can’t sleep.

I’ve cracked all the sockets and joints that I could possibly crack and I’ve flopped left and right I don’t know how many times and I feel wide awake. It feels like it’s the middle of the afternoon honestly.

And you know what happens when I’m wide awake doing nothing but lying there. THATS RIGHT BINGOOOOO, Thoughts flood in and spreads like wildfire in my dense forest of a head.

So I think of things. And memories. Well first I thought of how school will be like next week. Then I thought of all the pictures I wanted to print. How to label them. Then I thought of memories. See.

And then before I knew it Bob and Harry, my two teardrop friends started rolling down and I was strangling my bolster with a suffocating hug.

Haha. Ha. Ha.

I can’t even remember what it felt like so long ago. (It’s only been a few months but it feels like a year._.)

I can’t even remember that happy warm feeling.

How long can something like this last?

It feels like it can last forever.

And it feels like I’m the only one who feels this.

But in a way I don’t want this feeling to go away too.

It really is starting to seem more and more like a dream.

Surreal-ish. Crazy.

There have been loads of times when I just wanted to say something.

Something like ‘I really miss you’ but then. I don’t. Because it’s just going backwards. And I don’t want to put any unnecessary pressure. Because these things do. Plus, I don’t know… I feel insecure saying stuff like that now.

I mean, I already feel insecure writing this post because it shows me being vulnerable to rejection, or something. I think. That’s why people don’t really say these things huh. Things like ‘I really like you’ because they risk the other person totally not reciprocating how much they are exposing to them. And being the only one exposed isn’t nice at all.

It’s like how being naked in a room full of clothed people is totally horrible and embarrassing, but being totally naked in a Japanese hot spring is fine. (But I don’t think I’ll EVER be fine with being totally naked in a Japanese hot spring but that’s not the point)

I don’t want to risk being the only one naked. I know, call me a coward. I admit defeat on this one.

Now it’s 1:19am and I really should try to sleep.

I feel better now after writing this:D sleepier.

It’s not wrong to miss someone right?

I guess maybe it IS wrong when it gets to the point of taking over your life and you being a complete empty shell and a useless human being.



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