Tears.

There are lots of different kinds of tears.

Some of them hurt and some of them don’t.

Tears from feeling loved. Tears from feeling grateful.

Tears from feeling empty. Tears from feeling angry. Tears from feeling unjust. Tears of guilt. Tears of regret. Tears of lost. Tears from rejection. Tears from loneliness. Tears from being misunderstood.

These are what I’ve had before…hmmmm. Quite a long list. I’ve never felt tears of joy before though.

Why do we even cry? Biologically speaking does it even do any good at all? I don’t get relieved in fact it makes it feel much worse. My eyes get puffy and swollen and I get a really blocked nose, and it sucks.

When you get cut, you bleed. When your heart gets cut you cry. Blood from your soul. Maybe. It sounds kinda morbid. It also sounds like the title of some death metal song.

I kinda wish it wasn’t so easy for me to cry. I cry very easily. Shhhhh…. Most people don’t really know that. And they normally wouldn’t guess it too. I don’t want to cry really. (For the bad kind of tears) I just feel sadder and sadder the more I do. But I can’t help just suddenly exploding and breaking into a volcano of hot lava. It’s overwhelming.

Some say crying is good. It’s like a way of releasing all that emotion. But if that emotion gets larger in the process… I think I’d rather just let it slowly fade after a while then dwell in it longer. BUT I don’t do that. I never do that.

Different people hold their emotions differently. Some don’t let their emotions affect them much, while others just let their emotions fill them entirely. I think I’m like that. I’m Emo. Haha.

At least after crying I can sleep better. It’s exhausting work spilling your tear ducts out. I’m trying to not dwell in it. Trying._.

I guess I just feel misunderstood. It’s not fair like that.

It sucks being emotional… Sometimes I wish I was one of those stone cold people. Who hardly get worked up about anything. sometimes. I don’t even know if that’s how they really are or if it’s because of something they’ve been through that made them like that. I wonder what could have caused them to go to that extent. Sometimes there are people you just can’t imagine crying.

It’s a funny place to feel that kind of pain. Not in the brain where all your painful thoughts linger, but in the heart. A mechanical heart. That only pumps blood.

I just wrote this so that I’d stop thinking so much about why I’m crying but rather the crying itself. I like how writing about things has helped me in a lot of ways. To make sense out of the jumbled thoughts in my brain. That’s what words do.

Actually, most of the time it’s because my brain blows things out of proportion!!! When I’ve calmed down then do I see how stupid and overworked I’ve been. I don’t really like this part of myself. It leads to a lot of unnecessary trauma. Stupid brain.

I know my brain just called itself stupid. That’s what makes it stupid. And I did it again.

I feel a lot better now though. It was a nice time talking to myself.

I would have typed in ‘sad dog’ in google images to find something to put in here but I can feel myself shutting down since it’s 1:07am and sad dogs are sad. And I think I already have loads of posts with sad dogs on them._.

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