(I like what I did with the title.)
Today felt like one of those days where you just float from one place to the next. It wasn’t full of happiness the entire time, but looking back, I do feel happy.
Our Sociology Lecturer took us to this place called Dialogue in the Dark! It’s this place where you get to put yourself in the shoes of the visibly impaired, and it’s pretty freaky, the way you’re suddenly surrounded by complete darkness.
It’s really quite rare to be in a place like that.
We were all given white canes to use, and a lady brought us around. She herself was blind, but it was cool how in this case, we were all the ones who were blind instead.
Do you know how weird it is to open your eyes and not see anything?
Nothing. Complete nothingness. Except for those electrical looking dots and blotches that you see when it’s really dark. I don’t really know what they are. Maybe it’s stuff from some other dimension that you can only see when you can’t see. I would say they were sort of purplish and white-ish, but the more I try to notice them the more I can’t see their colours.
It’s really quite a hard thing to go through, getting used to being blind. Our guide told us that some of her friends never got out of their house for years when they first became that way. It’s scary. The world feels so much bigger than it really is when you can’t see. A small room feels infinite until you reach a wall. Getting used to the unknown is a very brave thing to do. I don’t want to pity them though. I think respect would be something they deserve more.
I wonder how I’d react if I ever go blind one day. I think I’d cry. I’d feel sorry for myself. I’d feel scared. And alone. I wouldn’t want to forget how the people I love looked like. I wouldn’t want to forget how I’d look like.
It’s a different world on its own. It’s like as if you pulled off the entire layer of the world and you’re left with what’s under. The rest of it.
Of course, we were only blind for a good hour or so, and these people don’t walk out of the dark room to get back into reality. It’s crazy to think that it’s a reality to some people. So I can’t say that I totally understand what it feels like to be blind.
I wonder how the guides feel. People come in here and go, saying things like, “Man, I’m so glad to see again.” when they reach the end of the tour. I wonder if it makes them feel really sad all the time when they hear things like that, or if they’re used to it and accept it. Some people never do.
But it was a great experience all in all.
Another dialogue today that I really enjoyed was on my way back home with Ivy. It’s really cool to think how we barely knew each other for four years even though we were in the same school.
She’s not someone who finds it easy to be conventionally well liked. And I guess it’s true with most people who are very opinionated and express them very strongly.
I never thought I’d be okay with people who are opinionated. Because I’m pretty opinionated myself. I thought we’d be terrible and clash so much. I guess we just had an underground mutual agreement that we don’t agree on certain things. And I like how we both listen to each others beliefs and really take interest in them. Especially when it comes to God.
I realised she wanted a God based more on relatable needs rather than someone to trust in. And she found she couldn’t relate to a God who was perfect.
So she found other Gods that she could.
Then I asked her what her definition of God was, and we both had very different answers to that. And that’s why I knew I couldn’t just tell her about God assuming that she knew why God was God and why He was my God. This is quite a confusing sentence, but anyways, the whole topic is already confusing on its own.
I told her I like how she portrayed herself in how honest she was not caring what people think of her. (Although I told her there are good and bad parts of that) Not to say I liked her personality. It was okay. I didn’t hate it either. It wasn’t very compatible with mine, but I like how different she was.
I love getting to know people in this way. Their beliefs. Their opinions. I like asking her about her opinions. They were very interesting and different (I think I’m repeating myself too much here). It makes her who she is.
Her greatest value is intelligence. Which I guess shows something about the deepest things inside of her which I’m still trying to figure out.
I asked her what she valued most in relationships (or found most important) and she said it was intelligence too. I also said that it was the first time I heard anyone say that. Most of the time it was trust, or loyalty, or romance, or chemistry, those kinds of things. She loves her boyfriend a lot for his intelligence too.
I told her I thought servitude was most important (that was when we were entering the train) and she agreed with me.
“…and it’s kind of like selflessness, you know? I think that’s what Love is. Being selfless. When you put someone’s else needs before your own, that’s love,” I said. And she nodded her head meaningfully. “Of course, I mean it’s easier said than done,” I added, so she wouldn’t form the impression that I actually perfected it and am some saint singing hymns on a hill or something. I don’t like when people think I’m something I’m not.
Then I told her I only really got to appreciating selflessness and trying to be selfless when I took God seriously. (It was a swift move to bring God back into the conversation muahahahaha)
She also talked about things like if we really had free will and crazy things like that, which I really liked.
I think she’s teaching me how to appreciate differences.
She is very different from me. Really. I was even a little scared of her at first because she has lip piercings and swears and likes Yaoi.
She’s almost like a character of a story. Which I find really cool. Not to say I advocate these things. But you know, learning to not be phobic of things like these is a good thing to learn.
As Christians I don’t think we should shun people who have lip piercings. Or swear. Or proclaim their homosexuality, but I think it’s something we do a lot. We judge. It’s easy to express our disdain in disgust and cockiness. A lot of people don’t like Christians just because of that. I see that on YouTube comments all the time.
That’s why I never tell her that I don’t like her piercings or when she swears or that I find Yaoi really really creepy. I don’t want her to feel like I think lesser of her because of those (Which she might easily take it to be even if it’s not true). Like I know some people who say things like, “Please, can you not swear, or can you take out your piercings it’s disturbing me.” Which I guess is okay if said nicely because you are taking your stand on things and the morals you believe in. But I’m scared that she will not want to open up to me if I say things like that.
I know we are supposed to, as Christians, take our stand on things because if we don’t deny it, then we’re for it, right?
But I think there are other ways to take our stand in a gentler way. I’m still figuring out how to. Like how I told her why Christians shouldn’t swear, but didn’t say anything about why she shouldn’t. It was her choice. People don’t like it when you don’t give them one.
Anyways, I’m really glad I got the chance to get to know her more. It’s something that made me happy and warm today.
I think this blog is turning more into a diary.
I should really start on my essays now.
Which is ironic since I’ve been writing all this while.