I think it’s really important that I align myself every once in a while to what God intended for me to be. I live my life exactly the way I walk. Steering left and right and bumping into everyone when I’m supposed to be just walking straight (I only do that to people I’m closer with but that’s not the point).
I can’t say that I’ve totally let go of all the sadness in my heart. It’s really hard. trying to forget it. I don’t know, can I even forget a feeling?
I feel like I shouldn’t be wasting so much time dwelling on my feelings and moping about with them. God would rather I live my life doing better things, wouldn’t He? I know the inner Mel in me just wants to sit with them forever in a corner and grow mushrooms all day, but that’s definitely not what God would want for me to do.
Today during Youth Alpha training, we were shown this clip from Evan Almighty. And it was the one where Morgan Freeman said this really cool thing:
“Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?”
So from now on every time I encounter something horrible, instead of wondering why do I have to feel this way?! I should try and wonder what I am supposed to do with it instead. Maybe this is an opportunity to let myself rely on God instead of all the wrong things. It’s hard though, when I’m so used to relying on other things. All those nights feeling empty and lost and just stopping there and not wondering if there’s something more to this, I really am a fool.
I have to remember that pain isn’t for nothing. Pain tells you something needs fixing. It’s okay to feel it but why am I not doing anything about it and letting it go on and on and on?
And anyways, if I didn’t think so much about myself and if I wasn’t so selfish, I wouldn’t feel this bitterness anyway. It’s not about me.
That sentence is really magical.
It’s not about me.
When I say that to myself and remind myself, all my bitterness and sadness and worry just goes away.
And prayer. I did make a resolution to pray more about things, but recently I’ve been failing pretty badly. Pray. And Listen, most importantly. Today bro John thought us about slowing down, not being hurried and the importance of listening. And that prayer is not just a one-way thing, I have to spare time and stillness for God to talk to me too.
There was a really cool verse on Love too. (John 4:7-12)
Something like: No one who has truly received God’s love keeps it to themselves. And when we love one another, his love is made complete in us. We will only truly know his love when we love others as he did. So its a cycle thingy.
Is what I’m doing, moping about feeling sorry about myself love? I THINK NOT.
It’s being selfish.
OH and I better write this down here before I forget. Pastor Joey made a really great point today.
“If your friends looked at your life, would they see heaven or hell?”
It was a really good reminder.
My life isn’t just mine to live. It’s also a testimony for others to see. I’m a witness. What in the world am I doing with it? Moping about?!
Come on Rachel, there are better things to do with the life God gave you.
Your life isn’t yours to live anymore when you sang those words of giving it all to Him. It’s His.