Insecurity

I am definitely not the most secure person in the world. I think people might even be afraid of how insecure I am sometimes. That’s why I worry so much.

It’s the natural pessimism in me. Thinking of the worst things that could ever happen first.

Like when I first made friends, I always wondered if they really wanted to hang out with me. I kept worrying that they’d leave me to find cooler, more hyper people. I still get a little of that, like when they go off to their own project groups and I start feeling that worry again. I know it’s really really stupid.

I guess that’s why I need affirmation so much all the time.

Learning to live without it is a little hard. very hard. I’m afraid that I’d annoy people if I keep asking for affirmation.

Doubts. especially when it comes to love.

Maybe I have that psychological thingy, an ambivalent attachment style.

I’m never confident about these things. Sometimes they cause misunderstandings. Which sucks, really. It’s my problem.

And melodrama in my head. When I think of the worst possible reasons and scenarios that probably don’t exist but really do in my head (Even now as I type this I can’t help feeling like these horrible thoughts are real and exist).

The only way out of this is to only worry about my security in God, which, I should never ever worry about. So in other words, I shouldn’t even worry about anything!!! But yet I do. What is my problem, honestly.

But…when I think about God, and the greatness of Him, and all of His complexities, it kinda makes my worries seem so small and insignificant. I guess that’s what ‘He’s big enough’ means!

He’s bigger than all of my small worries, and He’s all that really matters in the end.

I just pray that every time I start worrying again that He’d remind me those things aren’t important and to remember that He is there.

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