I forget sometimes how hard friendships are to build. How much time is really needed to understand someone and trust them enough.
it’s only been a few months, but yet, I find myself wanting to treat them like friends I’ve known for years. But I can’t. I think I just really miss being with my old pals. I really really do.
It’s a different kind of comfort.
I miss being able to spend every school day with them. I miss feeling what it’s like, not having to constantly try to be closer because we were already that close.
But I guess the process of getting closer is an adventure on its own.
It’s just not comfortable.
Scary, weird, dangerous. Fun. Risky.
But not comfortable.
Maybe that’s why every day feels different. Unexpected. You never really know what’s going to happen.
Do I feel lonely?
hmmm… Yes, and no.
Lonelier, maybe.Just slightly. From not having my usual good ol’ pals beside me. I feel secure with them. Knowing that every day, they accept me and will never leave me. That comes with years of building it up to that. I know. I can’t expect that kind of trust from people I only knew for a few months. And it’s not like i spend everyday having quality deep conversations about themselves and life in general, so that takes even longer.
How long did it take for me and Wei Qian to be that close? I can’t even remember. It feels like I’ve known her since forever. But I guess it’s the same for every friend that’s that close.
You’ll never forget them.
And you’ll never meet anyone like them.
Sometimes I just sit and try to remember what it was like, and it feels like a time so long ago.
Everything is so different.
But I think it’s possible to not be a part of each other’s lives and yet still have a bond.
Even though you’d only get to see them once every six months.
I think that kind of bond is very precious.
Immediately being able to reconnect even after years of having no life experiences in common.
You know, this very moment feels like a moment of empty time. Maybe it’s the music I’m listening to as well. As I think of the past, and it’s been some time since I went back to the past.
If I close my eyes, I feel like I’m in an endless ocean again. My hair floating in waves. It’s a little dim, sunlight filtering through in rays from above. I’m resting in the midst of it all. And I let everything float past me, drifting slowly in the water.
The music becomes an echo, surrounding me entirely. Filling up my head like how the water does.
And I’m completely alone in my own memories.
Delta Spirit – Devil Knows You’re Dead