Making a decision that will totally change my life next year is going to be interesting….ly hard.
I don’t know if this is where God really wants me to go. How do you know? Where you’re supposed to go?
I never really saw another path opening up on my presently straight forward road into next year.
I don’t even know if I’ve got enough packed for the road trip. Or if my stamina is strong enough. Cans of red bull maybe.
Bro John said today that you’ll never be ready for anything God gives you. So things like, “I don’t think I’m ready” don’t really mean anything.
Meeting up with him today in school was nice, feeling taken care of and safe in school. It’s a really different feeling as compared to being with my classmates (not that I don’t feel safe, it’s just that with them I have a higher chance of doing something not pleasing to Him). And it was quite cool praying in the middle of the open space above the food court.
Going back to class felt so surreal.
It’s almost as if I was going back to some other world. You know, it’s like a dreamy, very phleg feeling, drifting through space and time and not really feeling like you’re a part of anything. And suddenly I’m back again in reality. I got that feeling the most riding down the escalator as we were about to leave.
Not that Bro John and talking to God wasn’t a part of reality, I think it was even more real than anything.
Why does every ‘next year’ feel so scary and exciting at the same time? This year was a really scary year for me, at least for my past-year self. Everything being totally unknown and different. It’s going to be the same thing all over again if I make this decision.
I do want to try walking a different path. It’s just the possibility of failing is a little daunting. But I guess that comes with every and any decision anyone makes, so, meh.
Hmmm…I think my answer will be the exact same one I had last year.
Wherever God needs me to be, I’ll just be there.