Today during worship,
There was this part when it was just the voices,
the whole church filled with voices singing songs of praise.
And at that moment I just decided to shut my brain up with all its negative thoughts and just let God speak to me.
“Why are you always thinking about how you think you don’t fit well into the role? I put you here for a reason, why not focus on finding that reason instead?”
“It’s not about what you think is best for you, and it’s not about what you think you need, it’s about what I think is best for you, and what I know you need.”
I just sat down and immediately shared that with Livia.
It was really quite a drastic change.
Before I was all upset and feeling so out of place. And wrong. Just filled with so many negative emotions.
I think we both have the same feelings towards this. Feeling like God put us in the wrong places.
I told her, “I just really feel that I’m not suited for this job, I can’t do it as well, and how pointless is it for me if I’m struggling every time I have to serve as a Service Manager and end up an emotional wreck every time?”
I hated being like that. bursting into emotional tears when I serve as a Service manager. I felt stupid, and foolish, and just wondering what in the world God was thinking when he gave me that position this year.
I still do feel like I really don’t have the typical qualities of a SM. But, I feel a lot more at peace now that I’m reminded that it wasn’t a mistake, and that I’m here for a reason.
NOW I KNOW WHY I KEEP CRYING!!!
I just always end up thinking how i’m a mistake, and how this whole role of me being a SM is a mistake and that I shouldn’t be here and it’s unfair how they made a mistake putting me here and all the struggles I’m facing because of that. A mistake. I just hated feeling like it was all just a mistake.
Mistake. YES THAT’S THE WORD.
I keep asking myself why I end up crying all the time and I just never really knew the reason why.
I guess this is how God answers questions and things.
This feels so cool. haha.
It’s NOT a mistake. This is where I’m meant to be. At this present moment of time. And there is a WHY to everything. I pray that I’ll always be reminded of that every time I serve.