I don’t know why I’ve been so phlegmatic these past few weeks. Months. Two months.
But it’s gotten worse recently.
Even during soccer today, I didn’t get my usual ‘kick’ of enthusiasm (get it hahaha). I spent most of the break time just lying on the (fake, atas) grass, staring at the fluffy white clouds above, letting the wind rush over me.
And every once in a while, in school, in church, someone would ask me if I was okay, or if I was really tired.
And I’d tell them,
“It’s just my face okay!”
Because I really felt absolutely normal inside.
And in the mornings, I feel like I can’t start my day right unless I do something stupid and mindless in bed for an hour before I actually get up.
It’s either I go back to shutting my eyes and just lying there, stare at the ceiling, or play dots on my phone.
Usually the only thing that makes me get up is when I really have to pee. Or if I’m going to be late.
It’s not that I lack motivation or purpose in life, because all these things sound like that.
Every day is okay. It’s not bad, it’s not terrific, just great.
I think it’s just a change in personality that makes me feel weird. In secondary school I’m hardly this chill and relaxed. Like a slug. I always have to be doing something.
But now I just don’t mind sitting down and blanking out. Or listening to music and not thinking about anything much but music.
Maybe this comes with getting older.
I actually kinda like this change. It’s weird, looking back at a comparison between how I was and now, but it’s a nice change. I don’t feel so impulsive and active and I appreciate slowness.
Which is nice.
*plops onto sofa and melts into flubber*
*gets up because…. essay*
Which is due next Sunday.