I think this is going to be one of those posts where I won’t come up with a conclusion.
I guess I just want to write down my thoughts and feelings. You know, the process of things.
I recently had a short conversation with my junior, and she told me :
“I feel during teenage years it’s the best time to start exploring, like just let go , have fun, go crazy for a while. Because Adulthood just creeps to you and BAM! You’re an adult suddenly with not much of a story to tell. You know, being too scared of getting hurt really doesn’t do you any good.”
I didn’t really agree with her, but I didn’t know how to answer that as well.
I guess it’s not wrong. It’s just a matter of where your priorities lie.
What are my priorities?
To not get hurt? To try doing everything to the best that I can and not make mistakes?
I asked Samuel this question too, and He said, “Why would you rather make mistakes when you’re young when you can not make mistakes at all?”
By mistakes I don’t mean sin. By mistake, I mean an opportunity where you might get really hurt. It’s like, adopting a dog you know is going to die soon. It’s not wrong, but If you adopt the dog, you know you’re gonna be really sad and hurt the day it dies.
I don’t even know if what I’m thinking about is a mistake. I didn’t tell anyone what it was though, and I don’t because I haven’t told anyone and I kinda want to keep this to myself for a while. To think about. Which is a first. I never really wanted to keep anything to myself before. I guess I’ve changed a little in this way.
It’s a fine line because It could go either way, depending on how I handle it.
So currently it’s not. Just that, I have a greater risk of making a huge mistake. Would I give myself the opportunity to be in a position where it’s easier to make it though? I don’t know.
It’s times like these when I feel like I’m in a story again.
It’s a conflict. It’s a climatic progression.
In some ways I kinda agree with my junior. Every story has a problem. Every plot has a mistake, pain, and hurt. It won’t be a story without it.
Is it possible to be in-between though? Not fully allowing yourself a chance to get hurt but still giving yourself that chance?
I’m still figuring that out.
I can’t really decide. But then again, I’m not expecting an answer so soon.
I guess I should talk to God about this.
Somehow when I do he puts the answer deep into my heart.