It’s been some time since I took the time to think about what to write.
I don’t really have much to write about these days. Usually something triggers me and I feel like writing about it. But I haven’t really been compelled to write anything much.
I actually wanted to start on my story again. It gives me something to exercise my brain with I guess! But I might become a little more anti-social than I already am.
Oh yeah, I can write about my new discoveries in my anti-socialness. I think I wrote something about that before.
I’ve been quite confused about what kind of person I am now. I always thought I was an extrovert. It’s true! I can’t live without people. I need to interact, otherwise I’d just feel empty and tired and lonely. But this year, I’ve slowly turned into quite the anti-social. And I wondered why. I find myself withdrawing completely when I’m with a big group of people who talk non-stop, about things that kinda just slip through my mind. So I don’t really follow their conversations and I just float off.
I think I’ve written enough about how I feel and what I don’t like. So i’ll stop here.
Anyway, in pursuit for the truth I went online to take some tests that seemed legit, about extraversion. And I found out that there’re two different sides to a person, the public and the private. I’m a public introvert but a private extrovert. Which makes a whole lot of sense so I’m not as confused anymore. (I don’t know why I like to label myself as anything but I guess it gives me a sense of explanation for my behaviour and that’s always nice to know.)
I’m incredibly chatty and stupid with people like Jairia and Ivy, but I become this emotionless, hoodie kid when I’m with people a little further out on my social circle radius.
I don’t really know where i’m going with knowing all these. It feels kinda pointless doesn’t it? What’s the use of knowing what you are when it doesn’t change you at all? I’m just going to remain as I am. Well, I guess at least now I know that there’s nothing wrong about my behaviour and it’s totally acceptable. I don’t have to grind myself on being more sociable because it’s really just a matter of who. I’m just not the kind of person who fits in well with large groups of hyper people. And that’s all.
It’s kinda funny how we classify ourselves as certain types of people with different social expectations so that we don’t feel weird or abnormal. “Oh so you’re an introvert? Ah that explains why you’re always so quiet. Now I understand.” And it’s totally fine that you sit out of conversations because people get that you’re an ‘introvert’ and it’s fine.
That’s the thing about psychology. People ask me all the time about what I learn and if I can do cool magic things like read people’s minds or predict what they’re gonna do next or explain why they do certain things.
Well actually, a lot of psychology is just a matter of classifying different behaviours into names that humans made up for them. You learn what this is called, and what that’s all about. It seeks to make the complexities of the human mind and behaviour less of a mystery and a little more sorted – it’s all a matter of sorting things out. Naming things you don’t know about and identifying them makes it less scary I guess! When a person displays such and such behaviour he is psychotic. When a person does this for more than six months he has depression. When a person doesn’t quite seem to be able to connect reality with perception and his emotions, he’s got schizophrenia.
I don’t think psychologists would agree with me though. Kinda makes their science less of a science and more of something else. Just ideas about the human mind put together by people. That’s what psychology is really. Besides the stats and the documentations and experiments.
Wow have I derailed completely from where I was.
You’d have to be God to fully explain the minds of the people he made. I guess that’s why I’m not really into psychological research and experiments. I do acknowledge that they help people in some ways, but only when it’s exploring on how to help people with problems and how to make their lives a little better. But there’s really no point in an impossible pursuit of explaining everything about the mind and if it doesn’t help anyone.
But that’s just my opinion. I’m sure R&D psychologists all over the world would probably take a piss at me for what I’m writing. hahaha. Is’ piss’ vulgar? Like how ‘shit’ is sort of vulgar. I added in the quotation marks so it doesn’t look so bad.
There was someone from our psychology course who posted on twitter about how he/she hated helping people and couldn’t understand why our school was making us go for all these community services projects. “can’t they just get that some of us don’t want to help people?” Or something like that.
wow. I was so pissed. (Again I’m assuming piss isn’t vulgar, I’ll go look it up on google.)
WHAT’S THE POINT OF STUDYING ABOUT PEOPLE IF YOU DON’T INTEND TO HELP THEM WITH YOUR KNOWLEDGE?!! You know??? That’s just my philosophy on the whole point of psychology.
It was an anonymous post so no one knew who it was. But if I knew and if I had the courage to I’d probably scream that out into the pits of his/her ear drum.
Oh I had a really interesting dream this morning. I think I’ll write it in a dream log.