Thoughts on a Saturday

Whenever I think of the new school semester coming up, I just can’t help but feel a little apprehensive. Well, really, the only thing that’s troubling me is the fact that we have to group ourselves again. Thing is, this time, everyone kinda knows who they want to be with and who they would absolutely refuse to.

I have my own list too.

That perfect team. A lot of my classmates are already going on their recruitment drives.

I’m scared as hell.

I don’t want to end up with people whom I’m rubbish at working with. I don’t want to subject myself to struggling through a semester with conflicts and stress.

And I keep worrying about it. I know, it’s stupid. Worrying over the littlest of things.

Today during the sermon, I was reminded of something.

So what if I end up with difficult project mates? So what if it makes life a lot less fun and a lot more difficult? So what if I don’t end up with my ideal kind of future? Isn’t that kind of the point? Life isn’t meant to be like that.

If everything were so easy and fun and awesome what would be the point of it all?

It’s okay for things to be difficult.

Oh but it’s not easy to get rid of that anxiety. It’s still there if I dwell on the thought long enough.

But then I’m reminded that God will put me in wherever I’m meant to be. And it’s supposed to be that way.

I feel like He’s been putting me through a lot of uncertainty this year. I’ve never really had much peace in me. Or security.

I guess situations like these are really just Him helping me to find my security in Him. And to find my faith in Him all over again.

I was telling Bro John today of how I felt lonely in school. Well, I’m not alone, but … I’ve just never felt as lonely in all of my school life.

Friends can be close but not exactly people you can trust completely and rely on. Honestly, I think we really have to come up with a hierarchy of what it means to be a friend. Because there’s a whole range of them. Maybe in another post.

Well anyways, yup. I can’t say I have great friends in Poly. I don’t know why I even care so much about having close close close friends in school. As a christian, the kind of friend I’d look for for support would be one that’d point me towards God, and well that’s not going to happen with any of my school friends.

I told Jairia about how she really was the only friend I had who could be like that. Maybe I don’t really need another.

Well actually, thinking about it a little more, Wei Qian and Jia Shin aren’t exactly that either. But I never felt lonely in all of my secondary school days with them. I guess it’s because I knew it was just us three and us three always. We’d never leave each other and they were always there, everyday. I didn’t have to worry about anything.

I keep writing about this whole issue with friends, I realise. I guess it’s just been on my mind a lot. And how much I miss a lot of people:(


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