I remember I wanted to write about something last night but my essay got me to 2:20am and now I can’t remember what it was.


I think it was something good. Something happy. Oh yes.

Before service I felt so tired and empty. And I didn’t help move the chairs. And ended up napping in the cry room. I felt so dead, you know? Like I couldn’t feel anything. That excitement to serve. And for worship later. I just felt really dry.

I think it’s because for the whole of that week, I didn’t take the time to quiet down myself. To just linger in His presence. My mind was always in some other place, constantly filled with worry.

It was like He wasn’t in my life anymore.

It’s scary. How easy it is to shove Him aside and be so caught up in myself.

And I prayed for my brain to not be like that. Indifferent. Hard. Cold. To leave behind everything that I came in with, empty myself and be filled again with the right stuff.

Feathers and things. Not granite.

I guess it’s something that I gotta check every day.

What exactly am I being filled with?

And I drag myself about not even knowing what’s inside of me.


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