fear

Today was…just amazing.

I can’t even imagine what I would have missed out on if I had closed away all hope of ever building bridges with people I’d never imagine I would.

You know what’s beautiful? It’s when you get to catch a glimpse of a heart so open, so willing, so vulnerable, so amazing and special. I just can’t really describe how thankful I am. I dunno, my brain is kinda jumbled up in a mess of thoughts, good kinds.

And for each and every one of us who was willing to set aside all our insecurities, all our pride, and to lay it bare before so many to see, I am so thankful.

God, thank you for bringing these people into my life, even though they were already there from the start. I was just too blinded by the status quo, of change, of the past, to ever see how much more I already had.

But I’m so, so scared of expecting so much from all these people. I don’t want to lose them. It’s like, the more you gain, the more you have to lose, you know? That side of me, the side that taunts, that kills, tells me that things won’t last, to not put my heart in a place like that again, I just feel so much fear.

It really sucks to lose a relationship so special, so amazing, and I don’t know, because it still hurts so much to think that there might ever be a chance that I’d never get it back again.

I don’t want the same thing to happen.

It hurts to lose, it really does.

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