Patchwork Thoughts

I’m just wondering if I’ve changed a lot this year.

Kinda makes me want to have a long conversation with myself at the start of this year.

Won’t that be cool?? Being able to talk to yourself.

Isn’t that kind of what I’m doing now though, talking to myself, yes Rachel that’s right you’ve been doing this talking to yourself thing for almost a year now.

I guess I can see how much I’ve changed just by reading the very few first posts on this blog.

I think I write about very different things now, and it makes me wonder what I’d write about next year. Or if I’ll ever write at all.

I don’t quite feel the same passion I used to opening up a book. I used to get all excited finding this cool looking book with a really neat title and I’d eagerly scan through the first page to see what it’s all about.

Recently I stepped into a book store, and it’s been months since I last properly looked at a book shelf. And I found myself having a hard time feeling anything from any book I picked out. Maybe it’s because I was looking at the teenage section. I don’t know. I like children’s books a lot better. They feel a lot more real.

So I’m scared that it’ll be the same with writing. Not that I write stories anymore. Or thinking. I’m scared I won’t think as much, or i’d be so caught up with life I’d end up becoming this empty robot that hardly wonders about anything.

——

Nas just made me a playlist!! I really love sharing music with people and when people share their favourites with me. It’s just so cool how different songs speak to different people. It’s like a whole new way of getting to know a person.

Sometimes I listen to songs and I try to feel them. Like I try to feel what it’s like being them when they listen to the exact same songs. And how they would feel. I don’t know if this makes sense, but I realise I do that a lot.

Which is why now I listen to a whole load of new genres. EDM being the most unexpected of the lot. Imagine that, I’d never think that I’d ever come to listen to EDM voluntarily. And actually enjoy it once in a while.

——

I’m not really quite sure what to expect for next year. It’s kind of the time of the year now to think about tomorrows, isn’t it? Everyone starts planning new year resolutions and thanksgivings and remembering things.

I’m just trying to remember how it felt around this time last year.

22 December. 1:46am.

I was probably asleep. Hah. haha.

Oh wait, I can just read what I wrote.

—–

As for now? I don’t know, I don’t really feel anything. Maybe I’ve actually gotten used to change. Maybe i’m not so scared of it anymore. Or maybe I’m still a little too far away to feel anything yet. Or maybe the changes feel a lot better than anything that changed this year.

Change is…okay.

This year has been quite an adventure of its own in a way. Especially with all these new people. New places. New things to learn. Lots of new things to learn.

And finding out more about myself.

I don’t quite know if i’m adding on to myself or if i’m just digging out things that already existed inside.

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