2015 and Victoria


Today was quite a day.

I mean yesterday. Today’s 1:13am so.

Originally planned to write about my feelings for this year first before next year, but since Ms faith just told me a whole lot about her plans for me next year, I think I’ll start with next year.

I’m really excited!!!!!! I mean, given such a huge opportunity to actually change something, I’m really so thankful.

Okay so I write things very obscurely, I guess I should write a little more huh.

What if I read this again 10 years down the road and I have no idea what I’m talking about? Exactly. Did not think of that. I read some of my old posts and I really wished I wrote a little less metaphorically hahah.

The wind’s crazy strong now, howling against the windows and all. It’s kinda scary.

Anyways, I’ve been asked to take on the role of head of community services in PCS club, because something really weird went on with the year 2s and they’ve all been asked to step down.

It’s really cool because I get to work with organisations and implement projects and everything!!!!

And I get to be in a position where I can encourage people to actually like community service (it’s a problem in recent batches of students according to Ms Faith).

But this is a huge responsibility. I’m not sure if I can handle it much. When she told me, I was actually really shocked, and I mean, it’s an out of the blue thing. Even more than blue. Out of the indigo.

But really, it’s huge. Interviewing people, meeting up with 5 different organisations and thinking of programmes and everything. Making sure things run smoothly and finding volunteers and heads and oh man What if I screw up something??? I’m definitely not the most careful person. I forget things all the time. And I don’t know it just feels like too big a space for me to fill.

To balance this with cell leading and usher directing and school work and friends and family and my own personal alone time/quiet time and I’m just really scared I’m taking on too much.

I don’t really know my limits. I think I can handle it. But honestly, I know I don’t know nuts about anything.

There isn’t really a part of my heart or mind that’s saying no. Every part of me just screams out YES YES YES YES YES YES

If God’s any part of me, I guess that means it’s a yes too?

Either ways, next year just feels really exciting to me!!And exhausting. In a fulfilling way.

I was just talking to Victoria (and trying to convince her to not do the thingy with this guy._. ) but I guess that’s another blog post. Anyways. She said how lucky I was that I had some sort of direction in my life. And she said “Thank God. And F— me.” Hahah.

Which is funny because it’s really true. It’s something that I take for granted sometimes. How much purpose I have because of Him. Without Him, I really have nothing. To live for. Everything I value would mean nothing. And for that I am grateful because He is always there and always will be.

Its hard to really talk to her about God and everything. Even though she’s catholic, her values and beliefs are really really different. And you can’t exactly change someone’s values. It’s something they do for themselves. But I guess I can change what she sees.

Or at least let her see God in my life. I guess that’s how it usually works.

I really will miss her when she transfers out. If she does. Seems like she will:(

She’s kinda the only other classmate I feel completely comfortable with. And I’ve spent most of this semester during school just the two of us and it felt really nice. Though it looked like we were a lesbian couple because I look pretty guyish and no one in poly hangs out in a pair unless they’re a couple LOL.

So this post kinda just went towards her.

She’s really someone who came unexpectedly too.

Never would I have thought I’d be close to someone like her. Honestly. It’s amazing and cool.

Maaan. I don’t want her to leave.

Yeah, I received a lot of news about next year in just one day.

This, and that. Just two actually.

But it changes everything.

Change is okay.

Because I’m changing too.


Oh and today’s my birthday!


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