First day

So I’m back to chilling out on the couch with my grandparents this year.

I’m not quite sure what I’m feeling.

Anxiety? Anticipation?

Anyways.

I was reading what I wrote on the last day of 2013, and I guess I still feel about the same.

A little less scared. It feels a little less unknown.

But I’m really looking forward to next year!

I mean this year. Hah.

I’ve decided not to write about 2014. I mean, I realised I’ve been writing about 2014 all this while!

There’s this weird feeling inside of me. A tingly sort of feeling right under my lungs (My diaphragm?!) when I think about how this year’s going to be like.

It just all feels like a whirl.

Okay so maybe I don’t feel the same. It’ll be weird if it was.

I don’t think I’d be able to sleep much tonight.

I mean morning.

And I need to go take a bath._.

Maybe I should try to attempt describing this feeling a little more.

I don’t know, It kinda feels like I’m queuing up for this rollercoaster ride, instead of queuing up for a buffet. I mean, you could look forward to both, but they feel very, very different. And I feel like I sort of know what to expect, and yet at the same time feel like a lot of unexpected things will come my way. It’s like expecting the unexpected. Does that count as a paradox?

I guess I feel a lot safer. I know I’m going to be strapped in snugly into the coaster seats. There are things I’m not afraid of anymore that I used to be.

It’s kinda hard to describe this. Because it comes into my mind like a series of flashes, a jumble of feelings, words, pictures, all crumpled into one I don’t know how that works.

Well, we’ll see.

Gosh this is scary, in a not scary way. A paradox.

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