Helping

I realised something about helping people.

It’s easy to help people who recognise you for your help, appreciate you, and thank you. It’s a warm, happy feeling, that makes you smile from the inside out, almost like a reward.

You feel good about yourself when you help. And as with anything that gets a reward, you do it again and again to get that happy feeling of someone appreciating what you do.

But what happens when you don’t feel appreciated?

I’ve been paired up with kids who are really really hard to manage for two semesters straight, and it’s really tiring. Firstly because I don’t feel like I’m helping them at all, they don’t even want help. When I offer to teach them a new word they ask me to just keep quiet or they brush me off.

They don’t appreciate me either. And it feels really discouraging every week.

They are kids, and they have their reasons for being like that, but I find myself extremely worn out after every session.

Comparing that to Tuesdays with the REACH kids and how much I love talking to them, I realise that it’s extremely difficult to have a heart for people who don’t even want it in the first place.

And I hear loads of stories of how social work is kinda like that. Trying to do what’s best for someone when they don’t even want the help, or don’t see the need for it.

On Friday, after the reading programme, I just felt so discouraged. What kind of a social worker can I be if I get tired just after two months? And as I was bathing I thought about love. Loving kids I hardly know, what does that mean?

And as with love I remember God.

I guess the only way to have a heart for people who don’t return you anything, is seeing that that’s the kind of love that God has for you.

Love that doesn’t seek anything in return. That’s real love.

And oh how hard it is to love like that.

I hope that one day I’d be able to love like that.

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