The 20s is the age of dreams aren’t they, where nothing is certain and anything is possible.
I had so many dreams.
I wanted to be an archaeologist in primary 1, until I found out that there’s really not much to dig up in singapore and it’s not just about finding treasure in sand. I remember reading up on all the Egyptian treasures and things in the school library.
Then I wanted to be a journalist. That was around upper primary. I was so sure that that was what I was meant to do. I’d even write “articles” for my friends to read and do up fake advertisements selling ridiculous things. They were all in a notebook and I’d pass it around. I remember Tammy being particularly eager to read them haha.
And then there was a brief period of time in lower sec that I wanted to be a policewoman until I looked up the salaries on the police force website and also saw the physical fitness requirements to be one.
And in sec 3, I was so sure I was going to be an author. I wrote stories in my exercise books and kept a notebook everywhere I went in case I had ideas I could jot down. My mind was constantly on my story, and I’d sit for hours typing away. I loved it, the feeling of being alone in my own world surrounded by my own characters. I made it up to 64,000 words and I was so proud of how much I had written. I even looked up for possible publishing firms that I could send my story to in the future.
And then I had a fight with my dad about it, I think it was something about me being distracted from studying because I was always writing (think it was on the night I stayed up till 1am) and I felt like he was belittling me.
I even wanted to get into Victoria JC because they had a creative writing programme. And I searched up degrees for writing stories (not much really)
When I saw that you can’t really study being an author, I thought about doing mass communications in poly, since I liked writing so much.
Then I had another big argument with my dad and he told me I would just be writing what other people want me to write.
(He was probably right)
And then I realised what I liked most about writing and journalism is people, and their stories. I wanted to know more stories about people.
And somehow I ended up taking psychology in polytechnic, not really quite sure of what to expect.
Now I’m well on my way to becoming a social worker and honestly I’m not quite sure how I knew what a social worker was. And how I wanted to be one.
I think I found out about social work in the ngee Ann psychology webpage, in “future prospects”, and searched it up thinking it was pretty neat.
And also sis andrea’s prophetic prayer thingy during one of the camps on how I have a heart for underdogs probably had something to do with it.
I actually thought of doing social work with a minor in mass communications just in case I wanted to do documentaries next time on social issues like a mesh of journalism and social justice but decided it was too much work and I could do videos and documentation without studying mass com anyways.
Recently I started busking with gen, and writing songs, and I really love doing this too. I’ve always liked music, I remember using my dad’s iPod to fall asleep with music in my ears when I was really young. And wanting to be the phantom in a musical. One day in lower secondary I tried recording my own voice in GarageBand when I was old enough to figure it out a little, thought it sounded quite horrible and pretty much gave up on all hopes of any music related career.
I hated playing the piano in piano class when I was younger too. And I quit in grade 2. But then I heard river flows in you by yiruma around secondary school and I have no idea what came over me but I just HAD to learn how to play that song. So I dug up my old dusty piano and tried plugging it in, and that was when I started playing the piano again.
Then in secondary 3 ish (?) I found this really old guitar that used to belong to my uncle stuffed away on top of my parent’s cupboard, and I got really excited knowing we had another instrument lying around in the house for nothing. So I dusted it and tried it and was really horrible and just played around on it every once in a while.
Then I learned the difference between classical and acoustic guitars.
And my guitar was waaaayyy too big for my hands and that it was almost impossible for me to play bar chords on that.
So I got myself an acoustic guitar without really researching. I saw the cheapest acoustic guitar and immediately got it when I saw steel strings and not nylon. And it sounded springy not dull and that was all that mattered to me.
And then I wrote some songs here and there but it was all just for fun.
The past few months the thought of doing music seriously came across my mind a couple of times. Maybe it’s the courage that Gen gave me. And busking was really fun, and getting to know new people through it was fun. Seeing people sing along, and being entertained was nice. It wasn’t something I’d necessarily pursue, but if I ever got the chance to do it for real, I think I’d take it. Writing songs, and playing them.
I’m not that great, I know, there are people way better than I am, in all aspects of music hahah but I felt like maybe I’d have something to offer, just heart. And emotions. A soul I guess. And everyone’s souls are different so it would be special in its own way. Not perfect but different.
And music connects with people in a different way from counselling.
I felt like a teenager again. Dreaming unrealistic dreams. Being a teeny little bit more uncertain about the future. I kinda liked it.
Sometimes I think I love too many things.
Okay I love visual arts but I never ever thought of actually being an artist for real, that was probably the only hobby that I was certain would never become a dream.
Come to think of it, there was never really any substantial period of time in my life that I didn’t know what I wanted to do.
I was always sure of what I wanted and worked towards it somehow. Maybe that’s just how much I didn’t like uncertainty, or maybe I just always wanted to be someone significant. Or I was just that ignorant in thinking that every hobby or interest I had would make a great career.
Honestly now, I’m okay with whatever I end up being (and it might even change along the way who knows and who cares people aren’t ‘fated’ to be anything, they just are) I just want God to use me and what He’s given me for His purposes. That’s better than running off and doing something stupid and meaningless, even if we might enjoy it for a while.
I read this somewhere, that God doesn’t care about what’s on our resumes and we can have had a 100 different jobs for all I know and it wouldn’t matter either ways.
It’s who we are in whatever we do that counts.